New Year

2009 is over. I'm happy about that. I suppose if I wasn't I'd be living in the past.

2009 started out on an extremely dark note for me - But thankfully there was only one direction to go after that - and that was up. By early spring life was back to good.

Brian and I visited his mom in Vancouver in May and July - which I always enjoy. I don't know when we'll be back to Vancouver, but I'm craving it - I hope it's soon.

We did a lot of relatively local travel this year. Lots of road trips - Alberta, Saskatchewan, BC. We road tripped to Burning Man and back in August, in Ziggy - our '85 Volkswagon camper van.

I saw Toronto for the first time ever in July - we visited Sabrina & Jamie, Josh & Mel. It stormed the whole week we were there, but I loved it. So warm, so wet. I love the rain, I love being poured on. And being warm enough to stay in it. Ha. I spent a bunch of time shopping, and we visited Niagara Falls.

Three different friends of mine each gave birth to a boy in the spring. Rowan, Wesley, and Graham. I love that I've finally gotten to the point in my life that my friends are having babies. I can't wait to watch them, and all the other little kiddies in my world grow up into little people. :)

In the fall, my dad announced he's fallen in love. He's been single for 22 years, since he & my mom split up. It came as a shock, but I'm happy for him. I like his girlfriend - she seems good for him, and that's probably all that matters. It will be really interesting to see if my family will grow in 2010 in that way. Pam has 2 daughters in their early 30's - I may get step sisters.

In early December, I suffered a surprise-miscarriage. I didn't know I was pregnant, until I miscarried. I wouldn't have been far along - but it was still quite something to digest. It's a strange thing to experience.

2010 is a year I am really looking forward too. In a couple weeks, I start a drawing class at ACAD. This is something I've wanted to do for most of my life and I can't imagine why on Earth I never have. I am SO excited for this, I can't even complain. This year I hope to start putting together a portfolio of my work. Gotta be open to possibilities, right?

Also in the creative vein, I'm hoping to get back into self portraits. I haven't been doing any lately, but when I did I think I learned a lot from them. I don't really want to say much about them, because I don't know how to approach it yet, and don't want to jynx it.

In terms of travel, it seems it'll be a year of weddings. We're off to Jamaica at the end of January for the wedding of Shawn and Tanya. It'll be Brian's first tropical vacation and my second - one to remember for sure. In July we have a wedding in Kelowna, which we are likely to combine with a bit of BC road tripping. Just us & Ziggy & the highways & the hot springs! That's what it's aaaaaall about.

In early June we have a wedding to attend in Rexton, New Brunswick. I've never been further East than Toronto, so we're gonna take a good 2 weeks and travel around NB a little.

So, no laughing at this next one: We've been renovating our upstairs bathroom since March 2008. In late 2009, we got it up to the point of having all the drywall installed. Earlier today (Jan. 1) we started mudding & taping. We'll continue with that tomorrow... I'm feeling pretty motivated to get that over & done with. I feel like we're finally glimpsing the light at the end of the tunnel. We're also in the stages of planning paint and tiles... And that stuff's exciting.
:)

I have no idea what else this year will bring. In no particular order, I hope for: Travel, adventure, art, friendship, creativity, love, passion.

It's been a month since I've posted anything. Stuff's been a little crazy, as always.

In July we spent time in 4 seperate provinces. It was a constant whirlwind...

July 1-6 - West Kootenays road trip in BC
July 7-8 - In Calgary, working.
July 9-13 - Ghost Town hunting in Saskatchewan
July 14-16 - In Calgary, working.
July 17-19 - Vancouver for No Doubt concert
July 20-21 - In Calgary, working.
July 22-26 - Toronto
July 27-30 - In Edmonton, working (me only - Brian was home that week).
July 31 - In Calgary, working.

Upon coming home from Edmonton, I was informed I'd be heading back out to Grande Prairie two weeks later, and almost burst into tears. I managed to postpone my Grande Prairie trip until late September/early October.

We bought a 1985 Volkswagon Van in the first week of August. It's a perfect little thing for us, because we do love our little roadtrips so much. It'll be great to not have to worry about finding hotels or restaurants. The van boasts a sink, a stove, a fridge, and two double beds. We've named her Zeitgeist (basically translates to 'spirit of the time or age'), but it's Ziggy for short. She's dark brown, and gorgeous. There are a couple quick snapshots of her on Two Bs in a Blog. We haven't had a chance to take her camping yet, but we've done some driving around - out to Canmore with my dad for a hike and dinner a couple weekends ago. Burningman will be her maiden voyage, and what a voyage it will be!!!

One of my best friends in the world (Josh's Blog) got married last weekend. He and his new wife (Freshly Grated Nutmeg) live in Toronto, but they had their wedding here because the majority of their friends and family are here. They both grew up in Calgary - he moved east about 5(?) years ago to attend McGill, and then relocated to Toronto a couple years ago, where she joined him at that time. It was a beautiful wedding, and I'm so happy for them both. Makes me miss them, though - makes me want to go hang out in Toronto some more. :)

Emotionally, I've been a little up-and-down lately. Partly, the problem is that all this travel we're doing keeps whispering in my ear, telling me I need to do more... Everywhere I go, I want to stay. The further away from home I get, the happier I am. There's gotta be something unhealthy about that.

For the past couple of years I've been dreaming of moving to Vancouver, as I've mentioned here before. It seems unlikely at this point. At least not anytime in the forseeable future. And that does make me sad. I've lived in Calgary all my life, and really feel like it's time to see things from a different angle. But maybe there's more to my restlessness, I don't know.

Brian doesn't seem to be AGAINST relocating, but I think he doesn't really see a reason for it. He didn't grow up in Calgary, so this is already a relocation for him. This is already his 'move to the big city'.

If I were to leave Calgary, that would mean a change of career/industry, which is a little scary in itself, as ALL my experience and education is in this one industry which doesn't really exist in Vancouver.

And then more recently the thought of going back to school has crossed my mind yet again. Something like design. Which is amazing for me to say, because usually when I go down this line of thinking, I hit a big brick wall at "what would I take?" and honestly, something like design makes a lot of sense. It's artsy, it's something I would find fascinating, and it covers a LOT of categories, and would leave a lot of options open in terms of a direction to go in.

But then, of course, the realities hit:
- Can we afford it?
- Are we going to be starting a family in the next few years?
- Are we willing to give up the freedom for things like travel?
- Would it be stupid of me to walk away from my job and the company I've been with for seven years?

Ugh. It's been a tumultuous few weeks. I get hit with this every once in a while. This feeling of regret. If only I had a degree. If only I had a career that allowed for a little more creativity. If only I had changed direction sooner.

I know I've always made the decision that was 'best for me at the time'. And I know that's really all you can do, without knowing what the future will bring. But suddenly, looking back, there were several points where I wish I made a drastically different decision.

But then who knows where I'd be? I know, I know. Regret solves nothing. But sometimes it's hard to ignore.

The feelings of 'ick' have been coming and going for a couple weeks here. Mondays are especially rude and painful, but I just keep to myself and by Tuesday I feel more like a human being. I have even been going back to the gym more regularly than I had for a while. Being more active always has a positive effect on my psyche. It's true. It helps.

Most of the bad flew away on Wednesday of this week, however... I came to the realization that we leave for Burningman next Thursday. The 27th. By now, that's less than a week away. By this time next week, we'll be on the road! Somewhere in southern BC or northern Idaho, probably. Toodling down the road in Ziggy... Wishing each moment would never ever end.

I'm actually terrified about the inevitable 'let-down' that will hit upon returning home this fall. The reality that we'll be home battling the cold all winter long. Ugh. But at the moment, I'm putting those thoughts away, because those are horrible thoughts, and I don't want to deal with them.

The plan is to leave next Thursday morning, head west, and cross the border just south of Cranbrook. The most direct route is basically straight down through Idaho, cutting across the far SE corner of Oregon, and then into Nevada. We made the drive in two days in 2007 (even dealing with a flat tire at one point along the way), but we were driving until 2 or 3am, and then starting out again at 6 or 7am - and that's not the best (or safest) way of doing it. This year we hope to do little or no after-dark driving, and are giving ourselves twice the time to get there. We'll still be driving most of the time, but can probably afford to pull off and set up camp in the evenings and relax a bit at night.

We plan to arrive at Burningman on Monday morning. Our camp is called Midnight Poutine - There are 18 of us in total. I believe about 12 of them are from Montreal, 2 from Toronto, and 4 (including Brian and I) from Calgary. We will be serving poutine from midnight-2am, Monday to Friday. We're each signed up for a couple shifts. Should be very interesting. We actually got an amazing location - best I've ever had there - and are featured in What/Where/When. Meaning we will get TONS of traffic. We expect to serve 1500 poutines all-told. Holy crap. I've only ever had poutine once, and even once dated a guy who said he would dump me in a second if he heard I ever even tasted it (he was pretty sure the worst thing anyone could be was fat). I think it's probably perfect in the middle of the night, after some good partying. Haha, should be fun.

The Man burns on Saturday (Sept. 5 this year), and everything starts to wind down shortly thereafter. Many people leave on Sunday, most people leave on Monday. Brian and our buddy Kay and I will be hanging around until Tuesday, ensuring the camp gets all cleaned up and taken away. We'll miss the mass exodus, and leave the day after most people, which means less time sitting in a vehicle in a line-up, mostly.

We have about a week to meander back home... We're not sure yet where we're gonna go, which route we'll take. My vote is for the coast. I would really love to visit the ocean. I love that whole drive, and we could even go as far up as Vancouver, visit some friends and Brian's mom, before heading back east for home... We'll see. There are a million possibilities.

Ooookay, now I'm going to go do some stuff. I am planning to update here again before leaving, but any travel entries will (as always) be on our travel blog - Two Bs in a Blog.

Ciao for now!

Quick Stop and Update?

I've been so bad at updating this lately, I apologize. Stuff's been crazy (as per usual - can I continue to consider it crazy if it's the norm? Hmmm.)

It looks like the last time I checked in was over a month ago - just before we left for Vancouver. We had an awesome trip, of course. I love the west coast so much. It's tough not to love life when I'm there. When Brian and I go away together we update our travel-blog, so I rarely post the details here as well. Who wants to type everything out twice? So if you are interested in our travels, check twobsinablog.blogspot.com

We've both been working a lot, which is something I know we can't complain about these days, so I won't. I've taken on a new role at work, which is exciting and scary. I'm not sure there's as much training as I'd like. I think I just have to learn it by doing it. And I'm fine at that - I've done it before with other jobs. I just worry, because there's more responsibility with this job than others, so consequences of not excelling at this are bigger than they've been in the past. Make sense? But yes, I know I'll do well because... I just will. So there.

Three friends of mine have had little baby boys recently: Rowan was born in late April, and Graham and Wesley were born in late May. I'm so so happy to report that after some initial worries (yes, for each of the three!) they are all home, healthy and happy! Rowan and Wesley are their mothers' first babies, and baby Graham has a big brother and sister (Kaden and Isabelle). It's so exciting to see these great little families starting and growing!

Unfortunately, on the other end of things, my Grandmother is still not doing well. She's been in the hospital for a couple of months now (as a result of a stroke), and she's still not very responsive. It's looking a bit doubtful that she will actually 'come back' very far. It's really sad for us all. We feel we should be with her, and visiting her often, but she sleeps 90% of the time, and if she's awake, she still doesn't really seem to know we're there. It's so heartbreaking, really. We're waiting for a permanent bed to open up for her somewhere. She's on a waiting list, and apparently it could take anywhere from weeks to years.

Back in our own tiny little lives, Tuesday was Brian's and My 2.5 year anniversary. Yes, I make us celebrate halves. Two nice dinners out a year isn't a huge demand, I don't think. And at least I'm not counting the months anymore. Though on the 9th of each month we'll still say "happy monthiversary" to eachother. Yes, we're dorks. But whatever works, right? Ha.

Brian's currently in Edmonton for work, and in a couple weeks I'll be in Dunvegan and Grande Prairie for my work. And then in July... July. July is insane.

The first weekend of July we're road tripping in BC - Ainsworth Hot Springs and such.
The following weekend is ghost town hunting in Saskatchewan.
The weekend after that, we are going to Vancouver for a No Doubt concert.
The next weekend after that is a secret, and I can't say anything because there are some certain people who may read my blog and I don't want to ruin any surprises...

And then August. The first weekend is the long one, and we're thinking of camping and white water rafting, although we also want to gather a group of people to come with us and we haven't even started planning out the logistics of that one.

And this year we're heading back to Burningman (end of August / beginning of September). Probably our last time until we're 65...

We're possibly about to buy a truck & camper, which is also exciting. That'll aid in many of our little bitty adventures (and burningman). :)

What else, what else?

Oh! Y'know the Bellydancing classes I've been trying to get into for YEARS? Well another one is starting up next week that I'll be attending. As long as 7 other people show up too, so the class can actually run this time... Cross your fingers for me, people!

Okay. Now, it's almost midnight and I need my beauty sleep. :) Thanks for reading along, folks!

Things That I'm Excited About.

I Want To Live In Vancouver., originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

Recently, I had a very depressing moment, thinking I had nothing that I was looking forward to. And I know myself well enough to know that one of the things I need in order to be happy, is 'stuff to look forward to'. There has to be some bright point I'm aiming for, or else I get so bored and depressed because I can't see 'the point", and can't care about things, and it's just that slippery downward spiral. But really, truly, I do have a lot of things I'm looking forward to. And these are some of them:

- Spring! Summer! The weather is getting warmer, and that always helps the mental state. Brian and I went for a walk in fish creek last night, and it was AWESOME. I was acting silly and hyper, jumping and skipping, and babbling and joking and laughing, and I literally felt high on the fresh spring air. And I have months and months upcoming of warm weather, weather we can be OUTSIDE in, comfortably, without getting frost bite or wind burn, or any of those other icky winter things. :)

- On Saturday, I'm going to watch sheep shearing at a farm. That is awesome. I've never witnessed such a thing (I'm such a city girl sometimes), and can't wait. It'll afford some GREAT photo opportunities for sure. Apparently there will even be some baby sheep. Cute! And some wool spinners. And lots of mud. :) Just sounds fun, ya know?

- On May 5, Bif Naked's new album (The Promise) comes out, and I'm thrilled for that! I've loved Bif and her work since sitting in the art room in high school listening to 'Lucky' with my friend Melanie. We shared her earbuds, and listened to the one song on repeat. Since then, Bif music has always been a part of my personal soundtrack. So NEW stuff? Awesome. Also, Bif was diagnosed with breast cancer early last year, and she recorded this album during final stages of chemo, and she's just such a super-star and an inspiration. She lives so positively, and she has such an incredible strength, I LOVE so much of what she represents, and I wish there were more role models like her out there! So many people could learn from her (myself included of course)!

- On the mother's day weekend (which is always a sad time for me, obviously) Brian and I will be going to Vancouver (White Rock specifically) to visit his mom. This will be the first Mother's day in 5 years that I've celebrated and honored an actual mother. And I know she's not mine, but aren't all good mothers really everyone's mothers? Plus, I think she'll be thrilled to see us. I think Brian hasn't spent mother's day with his mom for a while. And, mothers aside, Vancouver is just awesome and any excuse to visit is A-OK with me!

- On May 15, my city will FINALLY start picking up curbside recycling in my area. OMG. This is SO long overdue it's ridiculous. I mean, I've only ever lived in this city, so I don't really have much to compare it to, but I hear we're rednecks and this whole recycyling thing is a LONG overdue step in the right direction. We got our "blue bin" this week, and we can finally start to get rid of the plastic that we've had building up for like a year, because we couldn't in good conscience throw it out, and had no facilities AVAILABLE to us.

- On May 16, I'm getting my hair done. I only am allowed 3 hair appointments a year (because they're expensive, and my hair's pretty healthy and doesn't need much), but I love my hairdresser, so it's always a fun day. and even though other people can't usually see a difference (long hair is long hair), I always can tell such a difference and it feels so great.

- On May 18, we get a new Tori Amos album - Not quite Bif, but pretty exciting anyway. :)

- On May 27, Brian and I have tickets to see Rick Mercer live at the Jack Singer. I have no idea what to expect, but we both love that man with a passion - he makes us laugh like no one else on TV does, and I think it'll be just a great night out.

- At some point in June, I have TWO very dear friends giving birth! I haven't seen Dy in years, but we were the best of friends once upon a time, and I still love her dearly. She's having a boy, and she's going to be an awesome mother! And Taryn is a co-worker and a best friend of many years (5-ish?) and we don't know if it'll be a boy or a girl, but either way it's sooooo exciting. I've been waiting for Taryn to have babies for YEARS! And she too is going to be such a wonderful mom! And I'm going to be an obsessive auntie. :) Plus a psychic told me that her baby and I are kindred spirits, and we will know and recognize eachother from the first moment we make eye contact. Yeeeaaaaay Taryn-Baby!!!

- On June 23rd Regina Spektor is releasing a new album (Far) and that has me really excited too. I only just recently discovered and fell in love with her music, but I'm already salivating for new stuff from her! Can't wait.

- On the second weekend in July Brian and I are going ghost-town exploring in Saskatchewan, with a group of other photographers from around the country. It's semi-'guided', but I think it'll be awesome - I think there's something like 13 ghost-towns on the schedule? Plus some light-painting technique at night, which'll be interesting too. AND within Canada, I've never been East of Medicine Hat, so I'm expanding my little travel-box too!!!

- On July 18th, we have tickets to the No Doubt concert in Vancouver! I am thrilled for this as well. Not only have I wanted to see No Doubt in concert for over 10 years, we're seeing it in Vancouver, just for the heck of it. What a great adventure!!! I've only been to concerts in Calgary, so it'll just be awesome.

- We have tickets to Burningman this year as well, which happens just before labor day. We are unsure as-to whether or not we'll use them though. We might find another deserving couple to give them to instead. There are a few factors going into this decision, and it seems really 50/50 right now. We'll see...

- And in a longer-term sense, we've been giving a little more thought to relocating to Vancouver. This isn't a right-away thing, but possibly in the next year or two. We've hummed-and-hawed over it for well over a year now, but I feel fairly sure on my side that it is something I would like to do. It's a controversial decision, I know. And some people will not be happy with it, but hopefully most people will be supportive, and I believe we would be happy with it. But like I say, nothing's written in stone and nothing's even kinda planned yet. But in my mind, I'm working on the things I can start doing, to get us closer to that goal. For me I guess it's mostly focusing on the house, and getting it into peak condition, so when the time comes to sell it, we can get a good price on it... Don't worry, though. It won't be overnight.

*sigh*
I am a very lucky girl and I have an awesome life. I feel less 'free' than I once was, but in some ways I'm far more free now than I was. I have some knowledge/experience/maturity that I didn't have "back in the day", as well as a little more financial stability, and all-around bravery. Which counts for a lot.

Maybe it's spring talking, or Friday, or just a good mood for no reason - but hooray, hooray, how GREAT is life?

27

You don't know how lovely you are, originally uploaded by Brian U.

Yesterday was my birthday. I had a good one - Brian had a bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work, and then took me out for dinner at Jaroblue.

Jaroblue is on 17th Ave, and we love it. It's a tapas lounge with an amazing atmosphere, friendly staff, and fantastic food. And we feel it's priced pretty well, too.

We had olives, and smoked sturgeon ravioli, and a grilled pear and blue cheese salad, and atlantic char on tomato kasha and spicy green beans. And I had double cream brie for desert, and Brian had carrot cake. And a bottle of Ravenswood Zin along with it all.

So, 27, 27. I'm in my late 20s. And I know how ridiculous it is to be bothered by that, but I can't help it. I'll get over it, I know.

This year I am hoping to get back into running - I dabble in it here and there, but I would like to reach a new level with it. Nothing serious - I'm not competitive in the least. But I would like to challenge myself a bit with it.

Brian gave me a Nike+iPod as part of my birthday present. Basically there's a chip that goes in your running shoe, and a small attachment you plug into your iPod, and it records all your running stats. Speed, pace, distance, time, calories, etc, etc. I haven't tried it yet, but apparently it'll give you verbal coaching if you want it, as well as things like playing one of your chosen 'power songs' when it detects that you need motivation. Then of course you can log in online and see all sorts of charts and stats on your running progress.

I'm a huge nerd in terms of graphs. I want to graph everything. It's hugely motivating - it's trends and progress I can see.

Also this year I hope to get back into my creativity a bit again. Likely through photography... I'd like to get back into some self portraits - I might even try my hand at making up some characters and writing stories to go with. Dunno yet, but I'm feeling very antsy lately in a way that makes me think I'd like to create something new.

We have no travels planned for the year. We have some ideas, but nothing is realistic yet. We do actually have tickets to Burningman, but we're not really sure we'll use them yet. Also in the running, road trips - always road trips. Alberta, BC. Possibly the states. I'd love to go somewhere tropical, Brian talks a lot about Vegas. We'd both love to go back to Europe, but it likely won't be this year. I'd also really like to see some of Eastern Canada. So basically, we have it narrowed down to Earth.

But we also might just focus close to home this year. We're still working on bathroom renovations, and once that's done we're getting really eager to replace floors, and some windows and of course yard work in the summertime...

Work is a little (a lot) stressful at the moment, but I won't go into detail about that here.

I also just got a program for my computer to manage recipes. It seems like a pretty good little program so-far. I just played around a bit with it tonight, but looks like it'll be really good.

I'm tired and need to aim for bed now though. Just wanted to post a little birthday bit.

Silence

First Star I See Tonight, originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

I have been quiet here. Not quiet all around, but here - on this front. I have thought about closing this blog, thinking "I have other interests, other priorities, I don't want a blog". But then I think about the things it COULD be, if only I really wanted it to be...

Nonsense? Usually.

I think about turning it back into a dedicated dream blog. Sometimes I want it to be a journal. Sometimes I want to force myself back into fictional writing, and perhaps this would give me a place to do that... I don't know... For now, some really brief updates on the past year or so...

Brian and Spaces (his kitty) live with me now. We are working on home renovations when we can find moments to do it.

I am focusing my creative energy on photography, although I feel I'm at a wall in a sense - I want to do more with it, but feel like I don't have the knowledge required to take it much further... I am working on the "52 Weeks" project - a self portrait every week for a year. The photo posted here was from the same photoshoot as my "Week 15" shot. It's an interesting project sometimes.

Work is work. Always busy, stressful, but rewarding in the end.

Brian and I went on little mini weekend-trips every month last year until August. In August we went to Burningman. It was a pretty awesome trip. We rented a truck and camper, and lived in it for 2 weeks on our way to and from Burningman. Brian had never been, and it was exciting to introduce him to Black Rock City.

We won't be attending Burningman this year. The theme this year is "The American Dream", which pisses me off more than I care to get into right now... Perhaps a rant for another day.

But even if it weren't for the theme, I don't know if I need to go back. This year was my third. It was still the amazing, surreal, unimaginable place it's always been, but I also would really like to do some other travel. I want to see other places and meet other people and experience other things that I never have before. And when I only have 2-3 weeks per year to travel, I can pretty much only do one "big" trip a year.

This fall was full of everything. Too busy for anything. Brian gave up his apartment in October, and "officially" moved in.

We've both been trying to focus on our health - better eating habits, more excercise. I've been going to the gym on most of my lunch hours. 4 times a week, on average I'd say. I'm hoping to add some yoga back into the mix again - Brian and I are going to take a class together on Monday and Thursday nights starting in March.

I went to Mexico in January with my sisters, my aunt, and her best friend. It was an amazing experience as well - having never been anywhere outside of Canada and the U.S. Mexico was so incredible, and I want to go back with Brian and my camera.

Brian and I are not eating meat until the end of February (Brian started January 1, I started when I got back from Mexico, on January 12). We are trying it out to see if we feel any differently, health-wise. I think Brian has noticed more of an effect than I have - He's lost 17 pounds. I still feel tired as usual, but I think that's just something I'll always have to deal with. This diet has forced me to eat more vegetables, which is awesome. Plus it's got me trying out a lot of new recipes. We are undecided whether or not we'll go back to meat at the end of it - Currently we're thinking maybe just seafood - we miss sushi. If I do start eating fish again, though, I'll make a point to only eat sustainable ones.

We've been making a big effort to be more "green" in general. We're composting everything we can, and have installed a programmable thermostat in my house - and just got a more energy-efficient refrigerator... Babysteps.

Okay, having been out of the blogging world for quite some time, I don't have much energy for it... But thought I'd give it a shot and see how it feels...