Dream - Plane Crash

Over There, originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

I was in my front yard, and I saw a plane flying REALLY low over my house. It flew sharply upwards, around, and then crashed in front of my dad's house. It was a small plane. Long and skinny, but only room for about 3 people up front. The pilot ran away.

When I looked through the windows to see if anyone else was hurt, I saw a father and two children, badly burnt. Barely human anymore. There was a little girl and a little boy, and they had been sitting on their father's lap.

Much of this dream was just sadness, and shock. The scene of those burnt bodies was really brutal. I rarely dream such gruesome things. I don't know what makes it happen.

I think later in the dream my dad was taking the plane apart and trying to put it back together, but the overwhelming part of the dream was that little family, dead.

I woke up with a feeling that things aren't okay. People who don't deserve it are hurting and suffering. I felt a little afraid at the brutality of reality. Too delicate for it.

Due to a current thyroid imbalance, my emotions are heightened, and my control over them is weakened. My theory is that these dreams are coming from that, but then I wake up feeling so disturbed by the dreams, that I start each day upset, worried, afraid, wanting to run away and hide. I'm working on getting it all balanced out. One of these days.

Dream - Dad's Haunted House

Onion House, originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

Last night I dreamt that my dad bought an old abandoned house. The house was well-known as being haunted, and had been abandoned for decades. He fixed up the outside really nicely - a deck, a hot tub, etc. And put his lawfirm on the main floor.

But upstairs, it was falling apart at the seams. Pieces of the wall fell randomly, and dust shook down from the ceiling everytime someone walked. I could see through the floorboards to the main floor, and was worried for my dad's safety. I told him this, and he was not worried. He said, "Well obviously if I step on a floorboard that breaks, I just won't step there anymore."

My dad is very scientific, and does not even come close to believing in the supernatural. So I joked to him, that some people think his house is haunted, just because it's been abandoned for a while. He answered that yes, it is VERY haunted. I was amazed that he'd been convinced of the supernatural. I knew it MUST be haunted if he believed it. He said the ghosts bang on the walls and the ceiling. I heard some loud banging on the front porch, and he told me that was the ghosts. I was still skeptical, and went to investigate. I thought it must just be the cats. I looked around the corner, down the hall, and saw Spaces (Brian's cat). Then I felt a cat brush my leg, and that was Spaces also. I thought, "How can Spaces be in two places at once?" and then I looked around and found 3 more Spaces. That was my proof that the house was haunted. How could cats multiply if the house wasn't haunted???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mostly this dream was less stressful than the one the night before, but there was still tension, over my worry for my dad. Brian thinks that this dream is referring to my actual concern that my dad is making bad decisions - but I don't really know if it's his decisions I worry about. I can't really think of any bad decisions he's made that have really bothered me, but I DO know I worry about him a lot in general - his health, his safety, etc... That's probably where this came from.

And I've been dreaming about haunted houses a LOT lately. About a month ago I dreamt that Brian wanted us to buy a haunted house, and I kept trying to get used to it, but I kept getting scared and needing to escape. Hrm...

~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, that's my dream-post for today.

Dreaming...

Purple Pigeons, originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

At one point I intended to use this blog as a dream journal. I didn't stick to that for long, but today I find myself wanting to get last night's dream out of my head. And here I shall attempt to do so...

There was a guy - I don't know him in real life - who was upset. Sad, raging, hopeless. Somebody - a male authority to him, possibly a father, a mentor, or a boss - told him that nobody realized that he was "purple". This seemed to relate to some sort of emotion-ranking-system. Like, an emotion-scale or something. Purple was the most extremely dark/hopeless/suicidal color on the scale. No one realized he was there, but he was. And somehow, even after they figured out that he was "purple", they couldn't (or didn't, anyway) do anything about it.

I realized it was up to me to save him, to stop him from committing suicide. At some points I was PHYSICALLY fighting to keep him from throwing himself out the window, and sometimes I was just sitting on a couch with him, talking to him, trying to help him realize that he deserved to live.

At some point, I noticed the time - 1:22am. I realized that it was late, and I was going to be USELESS at work the next day, and worried I would get fired if I didn't get some sleep. But knew that this guy's life was more important than my getting sleep - and hoped my bosses would see it that way.

His family decided they didn't like me meddling in their business, and made it clear that they meant to harm me. A portion of my dream was spent trying to run from that family, but trying to protect the guy at the same time. Lots of hiding, running through hallways and doorways in a buildings I don't recognize.

Another portion of my dream (perhaps relating to my worry about being fired if I was too exhausted), I had like 3 bosses. One of them was my boss from when I worked at Stantec, and she was on the scary/intense side. In my dream, she told me that my job was going to require me to endure a rather invasive surgery. The surgery itself would take a couple days to complete. I don't know what the surgery was for, but my chance of survival was less than half. I called my dad about it, and he said "if that's what your company requires of you, then that's what you have to do. End of story." So I agreed to go through with it, but was terrified I wouldn't survive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then I woke up, a little later than I should have, and felt intensely stressed-out.

I don't know who "guy" was - He was dark-haired, and possibly Italian or something. I don't think we were "involved" in any way in my dream, he was just someone I had to help. He wore sweatpants (navy blue) and no shirt.

The dream took place in a building that was dark, in shades of black/blue/green. I think at some point it was the family's home, but at some point it was an apartment building, where he lived, but his family didn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been having really stressful dreams again lately, and so I thought that perhaps if I get conscious of them again, remember them, record them, etc, maybe I can see some patterns and work the bad ones out of my head. Maybe?

We'll see.

Any thoughts on possible symbolism/ideas/etc, is always much appreciated!

Cynthia

Cynthia, originally uploaded by Blue I'x.

A couple of years ago, there was a big creepy black spider living behind my side view mirror. It creeped me out for a few days, and I tried to lose him by driving fast. But when the wind picked up, he'd just crawl back behind the mirror, and be safe until I parked. Then he could come back out and work on his web a little more. Eventually I decided I had to stop letting him give me the creeps. So I named him. His name was Jack. I spoke to him, and started to even like him there - like my little car mascot or something. Mission accomplished. Eventually he went away, and I actually missed him. A few months later another little spider took his place, and her name was Suzie.

On our little Southern Alberta adventure a few weeks ago, Brian and I returned to the car at one point, to find this creature hanging out, admiring her reflection. She didn't stick around for long, but she did hang on long enough for us to take a few photos of her. I decided to name her Cynthia.

So much online...

So, now that I have my beautiful new 20" iMac at home, I've been spending quite a bit more time online. However, you may have noticed I haven't been spending any more time on this-here blog. Partly, that's because I've been spending time running around the internet, reading about things, exploring for things, etc. Partly, I've been spending much of my time on Flickr. And... in the past few days, apparently now Facebook too. Which I keep calling Spacebook. I think my mind is still lumping it in with My Space, even though I haven't been there in months, can't even remember my password.

So, I just wanted to write a bitty-little-blurby-update...

I am SO happy this week is over, it was a REALLY long one, work-wise. A TON of stuff came up that I'm still not entirely sure how to go about taking care-of, and I'm going out to Swan Hills next week to try to figure out some other huge issues - there's just a lot going on. Also, my assistant EIT's contract is up at the end of this month which is sad. I'm getting a couple of summer students in her place, but she's amazing, and I'm not sure the two of them will be anywhere near as effective as she has been ... But I'll just have to wait and see. It really depends on the luck of the draw. Some interns are awesome - some of them are useless. My fingers are crossed.

Tomorrow Brian is going to BC on business - it'll be the first time in almost 4 months that we will have been apart for more than about 24 hours... And he won't be back until Wednesday!!! I'm sure we'll both survive it, really. We've obviously existed without each other before. But it'll still suck.

Katherine and I are going snowboarding tomorrow (she'll ski, I'll snowboard), or hiking if it's too warm and slushy. After that, I imagine I'll sleep for about 18 hours, because I've been EXHAUSTED for like a week now...

Then Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm out in Swan Hills (as previously mentioned). Brian and I both return home Wednesday night (our flights arrive in Calgary an inconvenient 2.5 hours apart). I imagine at that point, there will be much snuggling and cuteness and... etc...

Mmm, that's all. It's now a quarter past midnight, and I need to brush my teeth and go to bed. Goodnight!

I still exist...

I keep meaning to update this, but I don't. All day I think "when I get home tonight, I'm going to update my blog". But then in the evening, it just seems like the least important thing in the whole world.

So now I'm on my lunchhour, not really hungry, and not motivated enough to work.

Don't really have anything to say, though. Been playing with cameras lots - www.flickr.com/photos/blueix ...

Been embarking on random mini-adventures.

Easter was... Easter. It's never really been a big holiday for me, not being of the Christian persuasion and all... Brian and I did have brunch at Smuggler's though, which was nice. My family often has an Easter dinner, but not this year. Dunno why. No one cared enough to organize, I guess. Which is fine by me, I get more and more antisocial the older I get.

I'm excited that spring seems to be JUST barely around the corner... I'm enjoying the rain, even though it's really COLD rain, interrupted by moments of snow. Brian and I went walking in the rain, down in Fish Creek Park the evening before last. That was fun. We brought our cameras, and possibly got some good shots. I won't know for a while, because I was using my Rebel G - which is a film camera, not one of those new-fangled digital things...

Not much else to report right now, and I am not even motivated enough to add a picture to this. If you want a picture, go to my flickr page.

Ciao for now.

Updates, updates...

Hrm... Updates? 'Kay:

It's been an interesting week.

On Saturday night, Brian and I got all dressed up and went out for dinner at the revolving restaurant at the top of the Calgary Tower. I hadn't been there in probably 15 years, so it was a new experience for me. They've renovated recently, and they have these horseshoe-shaped booths facing outwards... Really private and beautiful - you just sit there and watch the city slide past... The food was fantastic, from beginning to end - perfect atmosphere, all of it. Also, my little sister and her boyfriend had reservations there for the same night, so it was cool to see her and chat for a bit. They didn't get a wicked booth like Brian and I did, but they didn't really seem to care.

On Sunday, Brian and I went wandering around taking pictures. He rented a Nikon D200 for the weekend again, so I was able to use his Nikon D70. We decided there might be some interesting stuff in the East Village, because they're tearing so much of it down - it's in this state of transition...

So, as we were taking some shots of the outside of the recently shut-down St. Louis, a guy in a truck drove up and asked what we were up to. We explained that we were just taking photos. He said he was the guy who takes care of the building - then, to our surprise, he asked if we'd like to look around inside. We were both a little stunned, but were able eventually to enthusiastically respond - "Would we! Could we? Awesome!!!" so he drove around front and opened it up for us - Turned on the lights, and wandered around with us for about 3 hours. We got to see every room in the building, top to bottom. It was breathtaking, in so many different ways. It was so heart-wrenching, such a different world than I'm in from day-to-day. The filth, the dark - This sense of hopelessness. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here... If those walls could talk, you probably wouldn't want to hear half of what they said. Every corner of the building seemed to whisper secrets, stories, dark and sad memories. We got lots of photos, of course - and you can see mine here.

On Monday, I received some potentially scary health news. It's one of those "nothing to worry about... yet" things. I just have to watch and wait and see what test results say in 6 weeks. In all honesty it's probably nothing, but Monday was hard on me. Not a good start to the week. I felt ill (probably a combination of nerves, phantom pain, and PMS cramps) and so I left work around lunch time. That evening, the fabulous Cara came over to my place and we ate chocolate fondue and she did a fantastic job of cheering me up and calming me down. She's gone through the EXACT same thing, and so it felt good to talk to someone who knew first-hand what she was talking about.

On Tuesday night, Brian and Nathan and a bunch of their friends shot a Big Rock commercial for the Eddies. They've had the idea floating around for a few years apparently, but just managed to make it work this year. The Rose and Crown was nice enough to block the upstairs off for them. I got to be an extra - I sat in the background and drank beer. It was really interesting to be witness to the process, though. Editing is still being done on it, but I'm really excited to see the finished product. I hope it does well - they deserve it. I don't know what the competition is like, but it'll have to be REALLY tough, for these guys not to nail it.

Yesterday afternoon, as I was getting into my car after work, I noticed that my glove compartment was open, and everything that had been in it was pulled out all over the passenger seat. I froze, I looked around, tried to figure out what could have happened. Could it have just popped-open on its own? But then everything wouldn't be strewn ALL over. Could someone have broken in? But none of my windows are broken... Did I lock my car? I'm SURE I would have... What on Earth? Then I saw my little change bin - empty, pulled out of it's pocket. I had $20 or $30 in there... Totally empty now... I must have been broken into. What? How can that be? I got out of my car, I checked my trunk - some snowboarding gear, a couple blankets, yoga stuff - check, check, it's all still there. Tried to think of anything else of value I may have had in there... My CDs didn't seem to have been touched... Insurance, check. Cheque book, check. So - nothing's missing but $20 or $30? Okay - good. No, NOT good. You FUCKERS! How DARE you intrude on MY space? This is MY car!!! What makes you think you have ANY right... I kinda went into shock. It's not that I care so much about my random change. It's the invasion. It's the thought that nothing is safe. What about my house? If someone will break into my car, they'll break into my house. They'll take whatever they want. It makes me feel so vulnerable. So - victimized. YOU ASSHOLE. My dad always said "don't be a victim". He taught me that victims allow themselves to be victims. So I'm trying to figure out what I did to allow this. But I know that's not what he means - it's more like, how I react to it. If I become afraid, then I'm the victim. But I AM afraid. Fear and anger alternated. They still are, but to a lesser extent. As opposed to yesterday, today I had no urge to randomly drive into anyone who MAY have broken into my car. Part of the awe of it was - if I go into shock to this extent over this, what the Hell would happen to my psyche if someone did break into my house? Or actually steal the whole damn car? After I called Brian, and sorted out my brain enough to drive, I pulled out of the parking lot and saw a police van about half a block down. I pulled up by them, and told them what had happened, just as an "FYI", incase it was useful background info for anything else in the area. One of the cops said, "Actually, a car was stolen out of this lot today. A Mazda 3." What the Hell??? On my way to Brian's place, in my side-view mirror, I noticed a dent in my door. Brian figures it looks like they Jimmied my lock. Fuckers. When I bought my car, I was told that it wouldn't start without this computer chip in the key. Brian figures whoever it was had a key programmed to work on some Mazda 3s - so basically he would have broken into random Mazda 3s until he found one that had a code in it matching the chip in the fake key. So - it seems that someone likely broke into my car, couldn't start it, stole what money he/she could find, and moved onto the next Mazda 3 in the lot. So - I suppose it could be said that I was really lucky - because the fucker didn't get my whole goddamn car. I did some searching on the internet to try to see if Mazda 3s are a big target for car thieves right now, and found nothing to that effect - Hondas and Toyotas still seem to be at the top of the list. But I did find a few articles from the last few months, detailing how apparently Mazda 3s can be easily broken into by hitting the passenger-side door in just the right spot. Unsettling - though it doesn't look like that was how mine was done... Bah. Getting too pissed off to keep typing about it. And I think y'all get the gist.

Today I had my chimney swept - hadn't done it since I moved in a couple years ago, so figured it was a good idea - plus, I've been getting birds in my fireplace, and wanted to deal with that. In the past, I've gotten a bird in there every few months, but in the past couple of weeks I got like 8 of them. He cleared a nest from RIGHT above my fireplace, and another one closer to the top. Swept the whole thing, and put up screens so no more birds can get in. So that's good.

Hrm... I've been typing for a long time. I have other things I need to do tonight... So off I go. I'll be back at some point, with more stories from the life of Brandi...

I'm baaaaack, with my new iMaaaaaac!!!

So, I know this took longer than I said it would, but... You'll forgive me, I know it. So what's gone down since last I was here? Plenty. Lots of adventure, as well as plenty of same-old-same-old...

The weekend after my last post, Brian DID indeed rent a camera and lense for himself to play with, so I was able to play around with his. And it was awesome.

On Saturday morning, we decided we wanted to head out to Banff. We phoned up CAA, and got them to book a hotel room for us. We stayed at Brewster Mountain Lodge, and it was awesome. We wandered around the Banff Springs Hotel taking photos, and then went to the hot springs. On Sunday we went to the Cave and Basin, and did some other random wandering around with our cameras. We each took hundreds of photos - which may make their way online one day, if we ever find the time to go through them all.

The following week, I think (going by my rather poor memory), was a typical run-of-the-mill week for us.

On Saturday the 10th, we went curling with Brian's company and had a blast. Again, many more photos were taken - and again, they may make it online one day.

On Sunday we attended the March flickrmeet, which was held this time in an actual professional photography studio. It was an opportunity for some of the photographers to try their hand with studio lighting, etc. Some of us (like me) are not really at the point where a studio makes any difference. I have to get FAR more comfortable with my SLR before any of that happens.

However, Brian and I did volunteer to model for a shoot Thorinside has had running around in his head for almost a year...



It was a lot of fun - I've never really felt so much like an ACTUAL model before. It was insane. The studio, the lights, and there were quite a few photographers there. Since it was Thorinside's vision, we took our direction from him, and he reserved the right to post his photo first, but there were quite a few other photographers there - So there are quite a few different variations on that photo. If you're interested, search "calgary flickrmeet" on flickr, and flip back through a few pages, and you'll see most of them. Pretty fun. I showed my little sister, and she was like "Yay, you're famous!" - I laughed and was like, "yeah, me and all the other millions of people on flickr" and she replied "whatever - I'm telling all my friends you're famous."

This past weekend, as we were trying to decide what to do on Saturday, one of Brian's friends (who's a photographer for a city paper) called him up to ask if he would model for a shoot he needed. I don't know how much detail I'm allowed to give out about this, considering the photo hasn't been published yet, but will be... I'll find out what I can say, and give some details when I can. It was pretty fun, though. You'll see.

And this week, my beautiful new iMac arrived:
2 gigs of memory
500 gig harddrive
2.5 ghz dual core processor
20" Monitor
*insert Tim Allen-esque 'grunt' here*

It's been so long since I've had my own home computer, and I've never really had my own NICE computer. So this is huge. So much fun. I just got it home last night, and so I'm still figuring it all out, but it can only add up to WAY too much fun...

Today is Ostara/Vernal Equinox/Spring Equinox - Happy spring everyone! Those of us who live in Calgary got a little bit of all four seasons today. Early this morning, it was so foggy it was eerie. Around 10 this morning, it was blizzarding. Blowing snow so thick I could barely see the other skyscrapers from my office. At lunchtime, I was walking around outside without a coat on, and didn't feel cold at all. Although I didn't SEE it, Brian says it rained this afternoon, and this evening it was windy, windy, windy! One of the many reasons I love this glorious city of mine.

What else is new? Oh - I finally bought myself a fancy gym membership. I've been going to the gym each weekday either at lunch or (once) after work. I've mostly been using the cardio machines - for some reason I've been craving cardio like mad lately. But when my muscles get too sore for that, then I'll swim lengths for a day or two - still getting a workout, but somehow remaining gentle on my muscles. It's awesome. I'd also forgotten how therapeutic swimming can be. It is calming, so relaxing, so cleansing. I always come out of the pool in a fabulous mood.

Okay, I have some stuff I'm going to go play with and explore on this new beautiful techno-toy of mine. I still don't have Firefox, and I think I agree with everyone else, that it's far better than Safari. Besides, it reminds me of Foxfire, which is the movie that made me discover the Goddess Angelina waaaay back in 1996. Good times. Ahahaha. What else - Oh, I'm going to download the free trial of Aperture, to see how I like it. Brian uses Adobe lightroom for his photos, but I'd like to compare it to Aperture. Can't hurt, right?

*sigh" okay, I think that's all the rambling I can do for now... I'm too distracted by all the other wonderful little bits on this machine... But I think I'll manage to update more often again, now that I have a home computer, and don't have to feel like a bad employee everytime I want to say something here. Ya know?

Hrm... One other thing I may play with - Other blogging software. Blogger looks quite different now than it did before, and I'm not sure I like it... I could do better. And I think perhaps I shall. Stay tuned...

BRB...

This is one of my favorite photos of Brian's. It's best if you can see it bigger than this, but as I've mentioned before - Blogger has its limits. For optimal viewing, go here. You'll notice the "I LOVE" scratched into the wall... It intruiges me to no end. Was it an interrupted procclamation of love to someone? What was the interruption? How come it never got finished? Or was that all? Was it simply that statement - "I love." So many questions in this picture. Beautiful, haunting. And of course, blue.

It is my lunch hour, and I've been mostly working through them lately (apart from my yoga classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which I have actually been faithfully attending for a few weeks now). I am about to get a beautiful new computer at home, so I feel like I should do no blogging until then.

And this is my post to say "I'll be back when I can blog from home!".

I suppose I can give some little updates though -

- My birthday was on Sunday. I had a really great 'birthday weekend', largely thanks to the amazing Brian. I was really impressed when he came home with a Dairy Queen cake for me, but little did I know that was the least of what I had waiting. He gave me a card, which led me to the back of his car - where I found the kitchen table I've had my eye on for some time. Tucked between the boxes was another card, leading me upstairs to my spare bedroom where I found a pair of Lululemon pants and waterbottle. And again, there was yet a 3rd card (good things happen in threes, he says), which indicated 3 months of fine cheese delivery from Janice Beaton. :) I'm thrilled. Apparently some people find that 3rd one to be a little odd, but I am really impressed - so I suppose that means we're a good match. :) We spent 2 and a half hours putting the table together, and JUST as we were moving the complete table into position, Cara and her husband and friend showed up - complete with beer and munchie food. Sweeeeet. We had fun, the 5 of us - chatted, played some Wii, etc, etc... On Sunday I had dinner with my family, which was good too. I tend to be horribly nervous and uncomfortable around my older sister, but I felt really brave and calm. Brian finally got to meet the rest of my Calgary relatives (he'd previously only met my dad) except for my Grandma, who doesn't really do the 'restaurant' thing. We went to Open Sesame - which is always a good time.

- This weekend the weather is supposed to be nice, and so I think Brian and I are going to take our cameras out on some sort of adventure. He's been thinking of buying a new camera lately, so he's considering renting one this weekend, to try it out before making the decision. If he does that, then I can use his current camera, and continue to work on getting more comfortable with the DSLR thing. I am actually at a point where I'm excited to make the switch from film to digital - I resisted for so long, but as with many other things, Brian's managed to show me the light.

- Work's still crazy and awesome. This afternoon my boss is interviewing someone for a 3-month-contract under me, and I'll be sitting in on that - It's exciting, the first job interview where I've been on the OTHER side of the table. Woo!

Aaaaand... Now it's four minutes past one, and so I need to get back to work, like a good little employee.

Ciao!

"You my dear need to blog and SOOOOoooonnnn… the pent up words in your head are leaking out and you need to let them flow before you explode."

I've been told.

:)

I'm so busy I can't even believe I've given in to the temptation - but have I mentioned I find it practically impossible to say 'no' to Brian? *sigh* Well I do.

I did a google images search for 'busy blue' and found the above image. I like it a lot. It's fun. And blue.

Work is insane - but there's nothing new about that.

Turning 25 on Sunday, which is exciting. I'll get access to my inheritance, so I can finally start paying off my mortgage a little quicker. Pay off my car loan, buy a computer so I can make blog updates at HOME (what a concept)...

I am having trouble concentrating today, for unknown reasons. I am feeling nostalgic. I keep thinking about my past, my early life, and why things went the way they did, good or bad. I am thinking about the people I grew up around, the people who influenced who I am and how I think.

Ahahaha... And apparently I'm feeling reeeally self-conscious too. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time typing and deleting. Typing and deleting. For some reason I can't seem to say what I want.

I've been feeling neglectful of my creative side. When's the last time I created anything that I was proud of? I feel like I should paint, I should draw. I should write. I've started to get back my interest in photography, but my film camera is frustrating me. I want digital. But not a point-and-shoot, either. Except maybe for Burningman.

I'm wondering if I should look into some kind of night-classes. Likely painting, figure-drawing, something like that... But then again, this is the wrong time of year for it. When spring hits, I'm going to want to be outside.

So then I think I'll just wait until fall - but then in the fall I'm going to be taking career-related night classes. Corrosion stuff, through NACE. And I don't really want to jump into too much at once, because we all know I have a habit of committing to TOO much, freaking out, and quitting everything.

I feel too busy to be inspired... But then days like this happen, where the inspiration tries to take over. It won't let me focus on what I NEED to be focusing on, but I can't really create either, because I refuse to let go entirely of my practical need to WORK.

I feel like rambling on here should help to release some of the creative tension I have inside me - but then I know it won't do much. How creative is blogging REALLY? Not very. I can write, I can ramble. But it's obviously not without its limits.

Whatever.

Okay, I'm getting frustrated at the fact that the closest thing I have to a creative outlet isn't close enough at the moment, so I'm going to do my best to shut that part of my brain off again, and WORK. I can be creative later. I hope. I only have like an hour and a half left before my day is done anyway - I'll cram as much work as I can into that time. And of course just because I am the way I am, I KNOW that once it's time for me to leave, I'll be so immersed in my work I won't wanna. Aaahahaha.

Ciao for now...

Fly-By-Updates?

So, I know I haven't been around for a while - things have been a little craaaazy. I'm still busy enough that I reeeeally shouldn't be posting this, but I'm feeling neglectful.

- Work is still really busy, but fun - challenging, exciting, a little scary. I'm about to start spending A LOT of my time in the field. I haven't done much field-travel yet, so it's intimidating, but really exciting - and good for my career in general. Attended a conference last week in Canmore, gave my presentation, and it went okay. Could have been better, could have been worse. I got lots of really positive feedback on it, but that might be just because a lot of them knew how nervous I was.

- Brian came to Canmore on the evening after my presentation. Brought a bottle of wine (mmm, Malbec...) and a loaf of freshly-baked bread (mmm, Rye...). After dinner with my group (and some of their wives), Brian and I went and sat in the hot tub, under the falling snow - very nice. Had great plans for the king-sized bed, too - but were so exhausted we fell asleep pretty quickly. Ahaha. Drove back to Calgary the next morning, and went back to work that afternoon. A very nice little mid-week-vaction.

- Brian's company had a foosball tournament on Friday evening, which was a lot of fun. Brian made it to the fourth round, which was pretty good - but somehow he had to play this one guy twice, who's absolutely INSANE. When he scores, you don't even see it, you just here the 'cha-lunk' as the score is made. Someone wondered where that amazing wrist action came from, and as I thought it, someone else said out-loud - He's a lonely, lonely, man... Ahaha...

- After the foosball tournament, Brian and I went to Edmonton. Yes, we arrived there at 11:30pm. Not much traffic to battle, at least. We went up there to visit Brian's best friend Trevor, and his wife Michele, and their two ADORABLE children Kaden (2yrs) and Isabelle (3mos).

- On Saturday I met another of Brian's friends (from like grade 8), and he showed me old year books. And I laughed. But in a completely loving way, of course. Actually, creepily enough, he looked A LOT like my first-ever boyfriend, Mike. I said it was the blond hair and glasses, and he was like "leave me alone, those glasses were TOTALLY the style at the time... And Fort St. John was a little behind the times..." which doesn't say much for Mike, considering he wore them like 8 years later... Hrm...

- Saturday afternoon/evening, I gave-in to my maternal instincts completely, and obsessed over Isabelle. I cooed at her and carried her around and cuddled her as much as I possibly could. It's so bizarre, the effect a baby can have on someone. I mean, they're just warm, soft, little people - but there is SO MUCH MAGIC in an infant. Maybe it's not everyone, maybe it's just me. But I can't get over the feeling of it. I don't have many babies in my life, so I get really excited when I do get access to one. I played with Kaden too - he's the most adorable, energetic, little blonde 2-year-old boy in the world. Seriously. We played with green playdough. And Brian taught him how to say kumquat. Ahahaha. So, I know maternal feelings go in waves, but holy crap, this weekend brought mine up to a serious level of "I want a family, dammit!" Ahahaha. Don't worry, I won't do anything sudden or stupid. But it can't hurt to dream of future possibilities, right? *sigh*

- On Sunday morning we came back to Calgary in time (okay, a little late) for my first-ever flickrmeet. This is a meeting that happens once a month in Calgary (and probably other cities) between local photographers who post their work on www.flickr.com. They seem to chose some different, random setting each time around, and this month they rented a bowling alley. There was some talk of formal wear, and then some people had some other ideas, but it seemed pretty open-to-interpretation. So I wore my favorite get-up, my corset (custom made for me when I was 30-40 lbs heavier - I should get it altered, but for now it just tightens all-the-way) and tutu (as seen above). We found Brian a white linen leisure suit and a hat with a feather in it. We had a lot of fun, and there were a lot of great photos taken. Due to NO TIME whatsoever, neither Brian nor I have any of our photos from the event posted yet, but if you want to see some of the amazing photos from other participants, go here.

Great. I did it again. Intended to spend 5 minutes on short but to-the-point updates, and wound up once again with a full-on blog entry. Bah. Why stop now?

- Incase you haven't had your fill of couple cuteness lately, head on over to www.sunmoonspacetime.blogspot.com, also on my links list. Not much there yet, but stay tuned...

- Got back in contact with a couple of old friends last week, which was nice. Always exciting when old, lost, connections are found again.

- Coming-up? Valentine's day tomorrow. Kinda stressful, I have to admit. I've never really had a Valentine's day with anyone truly amazing before. And Brian and I tend to be so cute and starry-eyed all the time, how do we get MORE romantic for Valentine's Day? So part of me thinks, do we really need this one particular day to be all lovey-dovey? No. But at the same time, there's this feeling of "should", or something. Ya know?

- I think I'm going snowboarding this weekend. That's exciting. Haven't been yet this year.

- My birthday's in a little under two weeks. Woo!

- Got a new and exciting light fixture for my stairwell. It's Chandelier-ish. Dark metal and glass and curves and bubbles and such.

- Reeeeeeally should get back to work. I MAY be going down to Turner Valley tomorrow afternoon, which means I SHOULD be doing an extra afternoon's worth of work today... Hrm...

I'll try not to be so long before I post again, but I make no promises - things are insane, and although blogging SHOULD be at the very top of my priority list above all, strangely it's not...

Good Weekend - Updates!

Not much time, but wanted to give some random and REALLY out-of-order updates...

Wiiiiii - Okay, the Wii is lots of fun. I'm not much into video games at all, but I have to admit I could waste hours on this one. Of the Wii Sports games, I like bowling the most, but tennis and baseball are fun too. The golf and the boxing I have to admit I haven't tried yet, but I probably will at some point. Brian also got a game called Rayman, which is totally twisted and bizarre, but FUN. Anyway, yeah. Much fun to be had there.

Bought some kitchen chairs this weekend, which is exciting. Haven't bought the table yet, but I will in the next month or so (hopefully after my next paycheck, but I may have to wait a couple weeks to comfortably afford it). These chairs were returned assembled, so they were marked down to $50, from their regular price of $75. There were actually 5 like that, but I only bought 4 because one of them was visibly damaged. I might buy another couple of them at regular price, but I might not, either. I think for the size of the table, 4 is enough for now. One side of the table will be against my kitchen window, so one on each end and two on the close side is plenty.

I also got some new clothes, which is REALLY exciting, because I haven't bought new clothes for myself in I-don't-know-how-long. I got myself some basics to start with. 3 pairs of pants: Jeans, black dress pants, and khakis. Then I got a dark purple tanktop/cami-thing, and a pink one, with some girly lace on the edges. A long-sleeved black shirt, a button-up brown one, and a brown t-shirt, and a shrug. You may ask what a shrug is (I did):

This is a shrug. This is the very one I bought, infact. I was always under the impression that I should not wear such things (short sweaters/jackets), because I need no extra emphasis on my chest. However, I was convinced to try it on anyway - and discovered that I look DAMN good in it, if I do say so myself. It accentuates ALL the right curves. Makes my waist/stomach look TINY. Seriously - I can't take it off. Wore it to work today, and everyone I see is like "you look REALLY good today". It probably also has to do with the fact that suddenly I'm wearing clothes that fit... On the same note, my other happy news: In terms of pants, apparently I'm now a size 8. I am THRILLED with this, because I've been a 12 pretty much all my adult life. I've had moments at 14 and moments at 10, but I've NEVER been an 8. Until now. And I can barely contain my excitement. I even managed to get into a size 6 pair of jeans and do them up and everything - But I couldn't move my legs. That's not the point though. For a shining moment in time, I was wearing a pair of size 6 jeans. Holy crap. I would have bet serious money I could never say that.

Once again, I was totally amazed by the wonder that is Brian. He wandered around the mall with me for almost 5 hours, while I shopped for clothes. I thought men were supposed to whine and complain and sigh and roll their eyes and say their feet hurt, and... He didn't. Not even the tiniest shred. After about the third store, I was like, "Are you okay? Are you bored? Tired? Frustrated?" and he was like "Let's go in here - I bet they have some good stuff for you here." And every time I opened the dressing room door, he was sitting there, smiling - giving me his honest opinions (which are really good - the boy has style). It was amaaaaaazing.

Brian's friend Cara came over on Saturday and hung out with us, which was a lot of fun. Cara's amazing, and is welcome to hang out with us any time. We played with the Wii and Brian made us Chambord Martinis, and played with his camera, and... Much fun was had.

We also had supper with his friend Trevor one night, which was awesome. I'd spoken to him on the phone quite a few times, so it was nice to finally meet him face-to-face. He lives in Edmonton, but he was in town briefly for work.

Also saw Pan's Labyrinth on Friday night. It had its pros and cons, I'll admit. On one hand it was amazingly beautiful and artsy. On the other hand, it was REALLY violent and - well - stressful. I thought it was WAY more graphic than it had to be. I don't remember the last time I had to hide my eyes during a movie, but I had to at SEVERAL points in this movie. And I could tell from the audience's reaction that I did well to look away. We were there with a large group, and some people LOVED it, and some people HATED it. And some people loved it AND hated it.

We also went on a walk at some point, and got some housework done too... I must say, It was a really good weekend. Woo!

And work is - stressful. I'm terrified about my presentation, haven't really gotten far on writing it, and I'm supposed to be GIVING it a week from tomorrow. Aaaaauuuugh!!! Breathe. Okay. In, out. Aaaah.

Alright, back to work for a bitty-bit, then hometime. Yay!

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Guess who got a Wiiiiii? No, not me. But close. Brian. Woo!

No, it's not really blue - I don't think there ARE blue ones. But apparently I'm not the only one out there who fantasizes about everything in blue.

Not since my Super Nintendo waaaaaay back in the day, have I been excited about a videogame console. But it's hard not to be excited about the Wii. Because EVERYONE is excited about the Wii.

Like spring 2004 - When EVERY Calgarian suddenly became a hard-core hockey fan. I had never previously cared about hockey in the least, but the team-spirit was contagious. It was fun just to be a part of this electric, city-wide, enthusiasm.

The Wii is kinda like that. It's exciting to be a part of the excitement. Ya know? I also know how much Brian's been wanting one, and I love to see him so thrilled.

So I know what wii (haha) are doing this weekend. :) See what all this fuss is about once and for all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other updates:

- Work is good. Really good. I'm taking on far more responsibility than I expected to, but I'm honored that I'm being trusted with it.

- Got put in charge of another task that I have no training on, which I'm self-teaching by the moment. It's scary, but I'm doing alright with it - and it's impressive to my boss, so that's cool. He tells me our VP has almost no school training - is entirely self-taught, and one of the most knowledgable guys out there. Sweet. So I could be VP by 30? Okay - no. I don't even WANT to be VP. My boss's wife is VP of her company, and I get the distinct impression that their children raise themselves. My children (yes, the ones that don't exist yet) will not raise themselves. My future husband and I will raise them. Period. Aaaaand due to past experiences with lazy men, I'm not sure I could even do the whole you-raise-the-kids-while-I-go-to-work thing. But I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

- I have to make a 30-minute presentation at a conference in Canmore in February, and I'm terrified. Brian says he'll help me with it. Being a consultant, he's got experience in giving presentations, etc. Problem is, stage fright has always been a VERY huge issue for me. But at the same time - I know that all I can do is be as brave as I can, and just do it and make my way through one moment at a time. I just hope I don't throw-up or pass-out or come-across-as-not-knowing-my-shit or pee-my-pants or trip-over-my-own-feet or... Oh, the possibilities are endless. But I know all I can do is just do it. And next time it'll be easier. Probably.

- I'm ridiculously busy outside of work too. I've been trying to find time to buy clothes that fit for like a month now, and I STILL haven't. I also need to get myself my own computer at home. Again, no time. But it's okay. Stuff is getting done, and I'm feeling good.

Alright - Now it's one, and for the past hour I've been alternating between typing this, and working. So now that I SHOULD be working, I have to go buy some lunch. I hope they have a yummy wrap for me at the store downstairs. Cross your fingers for me!!!

Not Totally Surprising...

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

El Perro En La Niebla

I am so so so proud of my Brian... The image above is one of his photos, published as a book cover. He just recieved a couple copies of it in the mail the other day. It's in Spanish, so we don't really know what it's about - but does it really matter? I'm so so proud of him, I can't even convey it. Considering he only really started to get into photography about a year ago, I think it's safe to say he's got some amazing natural talent.

We went to see a movie on Friday night, called Children of Men. It was amazing. One of the best movies I've seen in years, and absolutely in my top-ten favorites of all-time. It is not what you'd expect, but better. I don't even know what to say about it, because there's SO MUCH I loved about it. I would recommend this movie to anyone and everyone. Even if you don't catch it in theatres, I would suggest you rent it sometime. It is so striking, so moving, so well done.

Hm... I should be working now (yes, I know it's Sunday - but somehow I'm at work anyway) - I just wanted to post an itty-bit.

Evanescence Concert, Etc...

I can't spend long on this, because I need to be working. But I've been working like mad all day, and deserve a tiny break - so here it is.

I wanted to post a quick blurb about the Evanescence concert I attended last night, with my friend Michelle. It was incredible! I have been wanting to see Evanescence live for YEARS, and this is the first time they've come to Calgary. It was amazing. Stupendous, even.

The opening acts were okay - Not much of an impression one way or the other of The Black Maria, but they played a short set.

Next was Stone Sour - They weren't terrible, but they're not really my cup of tea. Y'know their song 'Bother'? Yeah, it's a good song. Very enjoyable. Pretty much everything else of theirs was screaming and head-banging.

Evanescence rocked my socks. Amy Lee was beautiful and expressive. She puts so much into her music, it makes me want to cry. Her whole body seems like a part of her voice. Every motion, every glance. She seems to BE her music. Amazing. Stunning, beautiful, inspiring.

Michelle and I felt like we stuck out a little, considering we weren't wearing ridiculous amounts of black or purple make-up, or corsets or striped stockings up to our knees. Our hair wasn't spiked or dyed black, we didn't carry anything with a skull pattern... As we were waiting in line to be searched (all these dark, scared, teens must be carrying weapons, you know - wearing black makes you violent), a security guard came along and asked all us ladies to open our purses. They started the purse-search at the girls behind us. We figured we didn't look young or threatening enough - But what about our knitting needles and rolling pins? They could be dangerous... Jeeze.

It was also really nice hanging out with Michelle again. We used to spend TONS of time together, but life got crazy for us both around the same time, and we had to tend to other things. I'm so glad we have been back in contact again - I missed her a lot.

Other stuff:
- Work's good. Busy. It's fun having an assistant, but I only get her until the end of February. She's a brand new engineer, so she has bigger better things to do than to assist me. Sad, but true.
- Brian and I are - ridiculous. Delirious. Fantabulous. I'll try not to make you all sick with mushiness - But we are happy and amazing.
- I've been focusing some attention back on my house, after letting it slide for longer than I really should have. It feels good to be taking pride in it and feeling proud of it again.
- It hasn't really been a big thing in my mind, but I suppose a few of you out there will be happy to know that I haven't been smoking pot for a while now. It feels good. It wasn't really a conscious decision either - just kinda happened. But of course it's a good thing. Perhaps that's why I was able to do 3 consecutive sun-salutations on my first crack at yoga in 5 months. Hm...
- I've become too small for all my clothes - Even my 'skinny' clothes are big on me now. I have to wear belts, and they look like draw-strings. I've been meaning to buy some clothes that fit, but things have been so busy I haven't had a chance. Hopefully this weekend, though. It'll be nice to have clothes that fit again. Weirdest thing ever: Brian thinks I have boy-hips. I've always known I had HUGE hips. But when he puts me in front of a mirror in my panties, I have to agree. I have little hips. What the Hell? I've only lost about 30 pounds, but my body seems so different than before. It's amazing. It feels good. Brian took a photo of me recently that I really like (doesn't really showcase my bizarre skinny body, but I love it and feel sexy in it) - I might post it on here at some point, but it contains no blue. Not sure what to do about that, but we'll see...

Okay, enough. I've been going away and coming back to this post all day - typing madly in little snippets of 45 seconds at a time. If it seems disjointed, that's most certainly why.

Ooooouuuch...

Doesn't this little girl make you want to cry? I think she fell off her bike. I want to give her ice cream and distract her with something exciting and fun.

Aaaanywho, this post is not about her. It is about me. This is my blog - so it's always about me.

Yesterday, I attended my first yoga class in a loooooong time. September maybe? Whenever it was that I last posted about yoga. Yes, the one where I swore I'd stick with it this time around. Well, Brian does yoga, and somehow that makes me want to do it more too. So I actually think I might keep it up for real this time. It's nice having such a positive motivator around.

Aaaanywho, as expected, I'm unbelievably stiff from that class yesterday - practically every muscle in my body complained loudly, almost immediately following the class. Our instructor was a little hard-core yesterday.

But, as I said back in September-ish, it's the good kind of pain. I don't mind it at all. However.

As I was going downstairs last night to do a load of laundry, I slipped and landed hard on my back - on unforgiving wooden stairs. Immediately the most painful spot was my spine, about mid-back - Where I landed the hardest. My right wrist/heel of my hand was the second most painful. As the night went on, my left elbow started to develop bruising too. This morning I can also feel my tailbone, my other elbow, and my neck hurts like whiplash.

I was wearing a knit sweater, so my injuries are even patterned! At least they're pretty... :)

So Brian wrapped me up in blankets, with assorted frozen foods - cranberries on my back, mangoes on my wrist - and put me in front of the television while he did my laundry, and a few other assorted chores, occaisionally breaking to feed me oreo cookies and check in on the various sore spots.

I feel a little guilty, because Brian and I are trying to get A LOT of stuff done and out-of-the-way as quickly as possible, and I just cut our physical labor force in half. Bah.

I mean, today I'm walking around like a normal person at least. But I'm still a little nervous. Later last night after we finished at my place and went back to his house, I tripped and almost fell AGAIN on his porch steps leading up to his house, and then less than 10 minutes later tripped over his laptop bag. I think the smartest thing I did last night was when I went to bed. But part of me wondered if I should wear a helmet to bed anyway. I had visions of jet engines landing on me in the night...

I haven't tripped over anything yet today, though. So that's good. Lets hope that holds.

I think yesterday's klutziness was a result of a few things. One, obviously the stiffness from my yoga class. It's not the first time I've injured myself after my first yoga class in a while. Also, I'm exhausted this week. Brian and I both are. We have so much to do, it's ridiculous. We're trying so hard to get all this stuff done, so that we can have some free time again, to do something fun. Or even to be able to relax and do nothing, without thinking "We should be doing something constructive right now...". So of course since we're trying to get everything done all at once, we've been staying up far too late at night, trying to fit more hours in the day. Plus all the emotional everything lately has me exhausted too. And when I'm exhausted, I can be a klutz. I doubt that surprises anyone who knows me.

So, my guess is that the giant bruise in the middle of my spine means I won't be back at yoga next week. But I'm hoping for the following week...

Plans for this weekend? Catch up on sleep. It seems the exhaustion is getting dangerous.

Brian

This weekend was a very scary one for me, in good ways and bad ways. There was a very dark occurence, which scared and saddened me. I can't go into details on it, because they're not my details to share. But I was in a very emotionally difficult place - guilt, fear, anger, disbelief.

I don't know what I would have done without Brian this weekend. I don't know how he did it, but he made me feel safe enough and strong enough to deal with what I had to.

On Saturday night, I had a Ukranian Christmas Dinner to go to at Katherine's place. I wasn't sure I should go. I wasn't sure I could hold off tears for long enough, and my tendency in times of stress is to hide. I discussed it with Brian, and we decided I should go. I'm really glad I did - because it did get my mind off things a little bit, and it felt really good to talk to Katherine. Besides, the dinner was amazing as usual too - I look forward to that meal all year!!!

After dinner at Katherine's, I went over to Brian's. I knocked on his door, and he didn't answer. I knocked again, and still no answer. So I let myself in. His place was dark, except for candles at the top of the stairs, and in the bathroom. I followed the warm, flickering candlelight - and found Brian waiting for me in his 6-foot bathtub, with a big glass of Shiraz.

My heart stopped. My eyes teared up. My legs almost gave-out. I wondered if I was dreaming - or in a movie. How is it possible that this man can be so amazing? I climbed in with him, and he held me, and made me feel safe and calm.

It scares me, how good he makes me feel. How much I crave his smile. There's so much in his beautiful head that dazzles me. I want more and more of him, and every new bit of him I get, makes me love him so much more than I thought possible even moments before. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he holds me, make me happily dizzy.

I've always found I sleep better alone - until now. Every time I wake up next to him I want to cry tears of joy. I've been having some nightmares lately, but the moment I wake up, every shred of fear is gone. How can I be afraid, when that beautiful man is here to protect me?

Yesterday morning, as we were lying in bed, trying to find the energy to get up and go to work, "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol came on the radio. I didn't really recognize it, but the lyrics struck me so strongly. We curled up together and held eachother so tightly, as every word gave me another goosebump.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I am completely blown away by how my personal beliefs have done such a complete 180 in a month. Yesterday I re-read my post from December 5 - Content Today. At that point I was completely convinced that I didn't believe in love. Convinced I never wanted to open myself up to anyone. Convinced that there was no one in the world for me.

4 Days later, I met Brian. I think the universe saw that blog and decided to teach me a lesson. Time to teach this girl that love does exist. Happy, healthy, relationships are real. Who knew?

So Much Fun...

So, I went over to Brian's place last night after work. He asked me if I felt like theatre. I always feel like theatre. So, he tells me he got a couple of tickets for Five Hole: Tales of Hockey Erotica. I'd heard of it, and it sounded fantastic and bizarre - Which is soooo my cup of tea.

Strangely, these tickets came from his ex-wife. Granted, she tried to give them to other people first, but when that didn't work, apparently she literally said my name, as-in "maybe Brian and Brandi would want to go". He only JUST told her about me yesterday too - So I guess we were fresh in her mind, maybe. But still - odd. A date with Brian, made possible by his ex-wife? Hehe. Whatever - I'll take dates with Brian regardless of where they come from.

We were feeling a bit peckish, so we stopped at Milestones for some calamari and popcorn shrimp and merlot. Perhaps a strange dinner by some standards, but it was good - Got us what we needed.

The show was really good - Definitely bizarre, but really well done. I imagine certain parts of it would have meant more to people who know Canadian hockey really well, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I mean, it was hockey and sex. I don't know much about hockey, but the sex was all in my language.

Wait, did that sound bad? Hm...

Since it was opening night, they had an "opening night party" afterwards - They served Hockey Gourmet - AKA beer and hotdogs. The show was in the Martha Cohen Theatre, but the party was upstairs - Big Secret Theatre, maybe? We enjoyed our beer and hotdogs, and chatted in the dark, illuminated by these intense red and blue lights. Tried to take a couple of cellphone photos of eachother all colorful, but cell cameras are never as good as the real thing.

After that, we went out into Olympic Plaza. I wanted to show Brian my brick (during the '88 Olympics, Calgarians were able to pay to have their names or their loved ones' names imprinted on the bricks in Olympic Plaza). My dad got them done for all three of us (my sisters and I). It was dark and snowy last night, so searching for my brick was difficult. We looked for a while, but couldn't find it. I did, however, find Josh's brick totally by accident. Found his brother's first, and thought "huh. Weird. I wonder if it's the same Zachary..." and then I looked over and saw Josh's and was like - "Okay, yeah - that's crazy."

Then we slid around on the ice rink for a bit - I thought I was going to fall, as I was wearing 3-inch heels, but he got me out there swinging and sliding around - it was so much fun.

When we got back to his place, 'we' hooked up the drain of the sink he installed last week - It was draining into a bucket until last night. He keeps saying I helped, but I really only found a misplaced washer, held a pipe while he sawed through it, and turned the tap on to check for leaks. Aaaand I made some little egg-spherey things out of his plumbers' putty. VERY helpful.

Then we washed some dishes, and then we curled up in bed with his laptop and looked at some photos and listened to some Beatles songs.

I really am so so happy right now. I have no idea how I was lucky enough to meet Brian - Maybe it was just time for me to experience a happy, healthy relationship finally. Eeek! Gushing. Bad Brandi. My apologies.

Back to work with me...

Oh Really...

Ahaha, okay so this is slightly different from the artwork I tend to post here. But that doesn't make it any less important. This painting struck me - I like art that speaks about current cultural happenings (in this case, celebrity worship) - and I think this piece gets it's point across. The women in Walmart, by the checkout - likely scanning the tabloids for the latest gossip on this woman who is viewed by so many to be 'above' the rest of us. Divine.

I, of course, fully agree that Angelina has some serious divinity in her, but in probably in a less literal sense. I think we're all divine - But some of us manage to tap into it and share it more widely. She's not more important than any one of us, she is just human as we all are, but she has the means to have a greater influence on the world than most of us do.

And yes, don't worry, I see the humor in it too.

I have so much running around in my head right now it's ridiculous. Problem is, a lot of it is not mine to share.

So instead, I'll talk about what I'm eating for lunch - Tortellini. Leftover from The Spaghetti Factory on Monday. Brian and his dad came to meet me for lunch, and it made my day. Even sitting here eating the leftovers, the taste of it reminds me of how happy that made me - How flattered I was. It was just so... nice. I dunno. I guess I'm not overly descriptive today. Because it was just so NICE.

:) And now I'm going to try to find something else to do. Just because. So there.

A Beautiful Project...

I was directed towards this site last spring sometime, fell madly in love with it, and then somehow forgot it existed. I just came across a little sticky note with the address on it, and went back - Fell back in love. Please please please PLEASE go take a look. Amazing beauty.

Hooray for 2007!!!

So, I know I said I would post another message before the holidays, but I didn't. So now I'm back, for a post-holidays update.

Isn't this a fantastic photo? It's another one of Brian's, and I absolutely adore it.

All-in-all, my holidays were really good. My family stuff wasn't too stressful - Tarah behaved about as well as can be expected, and there was really no serious conflict.

At Marilyn's annual Christmas Eve party, I finally got to meet Ruby and Madison, who are the very first of the next generation in our specific little group of families. Madison is about a year and a half old, has BRIGHT red hair in little spikey pig tails, and she is Katie's daugter. Katie is Chris's daughter, and Chris is Marilyn's best friend of 40 years. Got that? Good. Andrea is Katie's little sister, and Andrea had Ruby (in my arms, right) last June. July? Somewhere in there. It was SO exciting to have babies there. Marilyn's Christmas parties used to have dozens of children running around in party dresses, but now we're all grown up - And I'm glad that SOMEONE has finally decided to reproduce. As you can likely tell in this photo, babies make me happy (to put it lightly) - And considering I'm not quite at a 'baby-making' place in my life yet, I'm glad there are some other babies out there that I can hold and play with and get giddy over for now.

I got lots of interesting stuff for Christmas - including snowboarding passes, Evanescence concert tickets, a new suit for work, some new music (CD and piano sheet music), lots of great gift cards (coffee and books - what could be better?), and some amazing jewellery.

I also spent a lot of time with Brian, which was awesome. Some of you have heard me ramble on and on and on about him, some of you have not. But if you have not, it means we haven't spoken in the past few weeks. For those of you who don't know, I met Brian at Katherine's Christmas party. We both found some sparkles in eachother, and we've been spending time together since, and are only getting more and more intrigued by one-another. I know I've gone on more than one anti-relationship-rant on this blog (and other places), and Brian may just make me eat some of my words. But I suppose that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

We've only known eachother for a few weeks, but we seem to know eachother really well already. For Christmas he gave me a silver collar and moonstone pendant which is SO perfectly suited to me, I was struck practically speechless. I would NEVER have thought that a man could pick out a piece of jewellery so suited to me. I dunno, it's really bizarre - he listens. To, like, every little detail. Amazing and fantastic, I say!!!

:) I am seriously SO excited for 2007. All signs point to this year being a great one. I'm so happy to have met Brian, and look forward to all our little adventures to come. I'm thrilled with my job, and am feverishly excited to see how it develops. I turn 25 in February, which seems like a big exciting birthday in general - and my finances should be a lot better this year than the last few. I'm planning to go back to Burning Man this year, which of course is very close to my heart. I also hope to do some other travelling, but what/when/where is as-yet undetermined by far.

According to numerology, this year should be a great one for humanitarian and social causes. I won't bet money on it either way, but I can hope for it.

Alright, well it is time for me to focus back on my work. I hope everyone else out there is as happy and excited about life in general as I am.