So, it's been a while since I've posted. When I say a while, I mean about four months. But it has been a big 4 months.
In mid December, Brian and I got engaged at one of our favorite Calgary restaurants - Pulcinella, in Kensington. We are getting married in July this year, in my aunt's backyard in Coldstream BC.
For Christmas, we went West - Vernon to visit Brian's dad, and White Rock to visit his mom.
I turned 29 at the end of February.
March 1, I had a colposcopy done. This was basically a magnified look at and a few biopsies of, my cervix.
Mid March (today to be precise) I got the results of those biopsies - one of them showed high-grade cell changes... The next step? L.E.E.P. This stands for Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure.
I wish I was joking. They'll locally freeze me (like the dentist) and then pass this electrified wire loop through my cervix, hopefully removing all these cells that may or may not ever turn into cancer.
I am scared. I don't really know what I'm scared of. I know I'm not going to die. I know the worst pain of it is when the freezing goes in, then comes out later. One internet testimonial said she could "smell her own flesh burning"... I really hope she is over-dramatic and imagining things.
I apologize if this is all too much info... I have no idea who reads this, if anyone, so no idea what audience to aim for... Therefore, brutal honest truth seems like the best bet...
One other thing worrying me is the timing of the appointment. I was told at some point that they prioritize appointments - so the fact that my colposcopy was scheduled 3 months out, meant they weren't too worried. So should I worry about the fact that my LEEP appointment is scheduled a week from today? Does that mean they're worried? Or does that only really apply to the investigative stage? Maybe LEEPs are always booked in the next week or so. I don't know.
Maybe I'm thinking too much about the whole thing.
I'll be fine.
Work is... Worrisome. That's not the right word, but I don't know what is. I am trying to figure out how to do my job in Calgary. That is basically my problem. My job would best be done from the field. All the fields. All over Alberta, with a little Northern BC and Southern Saskatchewan. I don't want to spend all my time in the field. My time at home is so precious to me, and I am terrified of compromising it.
This is just something I need to figure out. I don't know how, but the way life works is that some day when everything has gone far enough as it has, something'll give. Something will change, and things will fall into place where they should.
I've been badly craving travel. Big travel. Even warm travel. Somewhere far away from home. I really, very badly want to jump on a plane and go somewhere else. See something new, taste the food, play in the ocean. But I know this is not something I can just snap my fingers and make happen.
I mean, technically we could... But money's tight - we've got the wedding to pay for, and some vet issues with the kitty-cats... Not to mention, Brian thinks we should sell our cars and buy a new one. Not now, but I think he's hoping for fall-ish.
Even the question of honeymoon remains unanswered. Brian switched jobs a few weeks ago, meaning that vacation time will be tight for him this year - and he's already taking time off for the wedding itself.
I know the travel will happen - we'll make it. But for now, the wait seems long.
